Intro: The Silent Struggle of Starting Over

Moving to a new city is often portrayed in a glossy manner, full of career opportunities, exciting adventures, and the promise of a “new beginning.” However, behind the curated Instagram stories and unopened moving boxes lies a more universal emotion that many of us hesitate to acknowledge: loneliness.

A 2022 survey by the Making Caring Common initiative found that nearly one in three adults report feeling lonely regularly, with recent movers among the most affected groups. This sense of isolation doesn’t stem from a lack of people around; rather, it arises from a lack of genuine connection. (Source: Loneliness in America: How the Pandemic Has Deepened an Epidemic of Loneliness and What We Can Do About It)

Here’s the twist: making friends as an adult is nothing like it was in childhood. There are no playgrounds where friendships start with a simple “wanna play?” Instead, we face packed schedules, digital distractions, and an unspoken fear of rejection that prevents many from trying to connect.

Yet connection is not just a luxury; it’s a fundamental human need. Research published by Harvard Health shows that strong social ties not only enhance mental health but also contribute to longevity. The good news is that building these connections in a new city isn’t just possible—it can be enriching.

Whether you’re a remote worker yearning for real-world interaction, a student navigating an unfamiliar campus, or someone looking to establish deeper roots in your new neighborhood, this guide is for you. Below, we outline 10 actionable, research-backed strategies to meet people and form meaningful friendships—without relying on forced small talk or awkward icebreakers.

Let’s explore what you can do today to feel less alone!

1. Join Local Classes or Hobby Groups

Let’s be honest—walking into a room full of strangers can feel nerve-wracking. However, there’s a paradox: it’s often easier to meet people when the focus isn’t solely on making connections.

Local classes and hobby-based groups provide a powerful, low-pressure way to build natural connections. Whether it’s a ceramics studio, salsa dancing, improv theater, or a weekend coding boot camp, these environments encourage what psychologists call “structured socialization,” where interactions happen naturally through shared activities rather than forced conversations.

A study published in *The Journal of Social and Personal Relationships* found that shared experiences significantly accelerate trust-building and foster deeper connections compared to traditional small talk. For example, bonding over the struggle to center clay on a pottery wheel tends to create friendships faster than chatting at a bar.

Apps like Meetup and Eventbrite offer excellent opportunities to discover local interest groups that align with your personality, whether it’s outdoor hikes, language exchanges, or book clubs. Emerging platforms like BeFriend also offer hyper-local, interest-based friend-matching experiences, which are particularly useful for individuals who have recently moved to a new city.

Here’s the key: don’t wait until you “feel ready.” Community doesn’t just appear; it’s built moment by moment, class by class. Often, all it takes is showing up once.

2. Use Social Discovery Apps

In today’s hyper-connected world, finding friends online is not only acceptable but also increasingly common. For Millennials and Gen Z, digital-first friendships aren’t a backup plan; they often serve as the starting point for social connections. This reflects a broader cultural shift: we no longer wait to “bump into” the right people. Instead, we curate our communities with the same intentionality we use to build our careers or select the brands we promote.

Enter the era of social discovery apps.

Platforms like BeFriend, Bumble BFF, and MeetUp are changing the landscape of adult friendships:

– BeFriend stands out with its local-first, interest-based matching, making it ideal for those who have just moved and want meaningful, proximity-based connections. With built-in safety tools and conversation prompts, it reduces the emotional barriers typically associated with making new friends.

– Bumble BFF, an offshoot of the Bumble brand, offers a sleek interface and is widely used in metropolitan areas. Its strength lies in its broad reach, but it can sometimes feel superficial due to the high volume of swiping.

– Meetup focuses on community joining and connecting with like-minded people. It’s especially beneficial for those seeking both friendship and a sense of emotional safety within a like-minded network.

The beauty of these platforms is that they eliminate the guesswork: you know that the person on the other end is also looking to make a friend. There’s no ambiguity and no awkward intentions—just two people choosing connection over isolation.

That said, as with any digital tool, intentional use is crucial. Present yourself authentically, be specific in your profile, and—most importantly—take the next step to meet in person. That coffee meetup or weekend walk? That’s where virtual chemistry transforms into real-life belonging.

So, if you’re new in town and wondering where to find your people, the answer might be just one swipe (or thoughtful message) away.

3. Attend Community Events and Markets

You don’t have to search far for a connection—it often exists right in your neighborhood. Community events, such as weekend farmers’ markets, open-air movie nights, local art fairs, and block parties, are often underrated opportunities for genuine interactions.

These outings are more than just activities; they are environments designed to encourage openness. If you’re unsure where to start, consider joining a local Facebook group, checking city event calendars, or searching for “free things to do in [your city]” on websites like Eventbrite or Time Out.

Here’s a pro tip: don’t underestimate the power of a compliment. Telling a vendor you admire their ceramic design or asking someone for their favorite food truck recommendation can ignite a meaningful connection in a world where face-to-face conversations are rare, simply showing up matters more than ever.

4. Say Yes to Invitations — Even If You Feel Awkward

You might feel inclined to decline your coworker’s happy hour invitation or your neighbor’s housewarming party because you “don’t know anyone.” However, these are exactly the types of situations where friendships can begin—messy, unscripted, and full of potential.

According to the Harvard Business Review, accepting social invitations—even when it feels uncomfortable—can lead to greater long-term satisfaction and emotional resilience. Every social interaction, even the mildly awkward ones, helps build confidence and fosters a sense of belonging over time. (Source: We’re Still Lonely at Work)

Think of it like social compounding: saying yes to one event can introduce you to ten new people within a matter of weeks. So, the next time you receive an invitation, go! You don’t have to stay long; you will only need to show up.

5. Volunteer for a Cause You Care About

Volunteering is not just about giving back; it’s about finding a sense of belonging. Whether you’re walking dogs at a shelter, assisting at a local museum, or participating in a beach cleanup, your involvement in a cause connects you with people who share similar values.

A study by UnitedHealth Group found that 76% of people who volunteered in the past year felt healthier, and more than half reported improved social well-being. More importantly, volunteering provides you with a role and a purpose, both of which can serve as powerful icebreakers when you’re new to an area.

If you want to start small, consider using platforms like VolunteerMatch.org or checking your city’s official website for opportunities. Friendships built on shared purpose tend to last longer than those formed solely through proximity.

6. Use Your Existing Network

Your next meaningful friendship might be just one direct message away. You’d be surprised at how many connections are available in your extended circle, such as friends of friends, old classmates, or colleagues who have recently moved as well. 

Try posting a relocation update on Instagram, LinkedIn, or Threads and ask, “Does anyone know people in [your city] that I should meet?” The internet can be a powerful social connector.

Don’t hesitate to request introductions. It’s not awkward; it’s intentional.

7. Visit the Same Cafes, Parks, or Libraries Regularly

Familiarity brings comfort and encourages conversation. Whether it’s a sun-drenched corner table at your neighborhood café, a specific bench in the local park, or a familiar aisle in your library, consistency fosters a sense of community.

The concept known as the “mere exposure effect,” popularized in psychology research, demonstrates that repeated exposure to the same individuals naturally increases likability. Initially, you might not need to say much—just a smile here or a nod there. Over time, these small gestures can develop into genuine connections.

So, find your spot and keep returning.

8. Take a Fitness Class or Join a Rec League

Nothing fosters bonding like shared effort and mutual challenges. Whether it’s yoga, a CrossFit gym, or a neighborhood volleyball team, fitness communities are inherently social. 

A study published in Frontiers in Psychology found that group exercise not only improves physical health but also enhances feelings of social connectedness, particularly for adults going through transitional life phases, such as moving. (Source: The relationship between physical exercise and social adjustment in Chinese university students: the sequential mediating effect of peer attachment and self-esteem)

Don’t worry if you don’t consider yourself “sporty.” Most leagues welcome participants of all skill levels. The goal isn’t necessarily to win; it’s to show up, work hard together, and support one another.

9. Be a Tourist in Your Own City

Yes, you live here now, but that doesn’t mean you have to feel settled right away. Embrace the “newcomer” mindset and explore your surroundings as if you were a visitor. Walking tours, local museums, gallery nights, and even pub crawls organized by hostels often attract other newcomers looking to connect.

According to Lonely Planet, many cities offer curated local experiences specifically designed for solo travelers and recent residents. (Source: Lonely Planet) While you might not meet your future best friend on a historic ghost tour, you will encounter people who are open to conversation.

Let your curiosity guide you, and connections will often follow.

10. Embrace Small Conversations

In a world filled with curated feeds and filtered texts, don’t underestimate the simple power of a five-second “hello.” Whether you’re in an elevator, at the dog park, or shopping for produce, these everyday interactions can be the seeds of something more significant.

Behavioral psychologist Dr. Gillian Sandstrom, who studies social well-being, has found that brief interactions with strangers can greatly improve our mood and sense of belonging. In other words, it’s perfectly fine to strike up a conversation with someone in line at the café. (Source: Speaking of Psychology: Why you should talk to strangers, with Gillian Sandstrom, PhD, and Jon Levy)

Most friendships don’t begin with a grand gesture; they often start with a simple question: “Hey, is this seat taken?”

Our Final Thoughts: Be Patient, Be Open

Building connections in a new city is a gradual process; relationships develop slowly, one moment at a time. It starts with a quick hello at the dog park or a shared laugh during a yoga class. A stranger can become a familiar face, then a name, and eventually, a friend.

Feeling lonely doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you; it’s a natural part of being human. In fact, a 2023 Meta-Gallup Global Report revealed that nearly 24% of adults worldwide report feeling lonely “often or always,” with relocation being one of the top triggers. However, the solution isn’t more scrolling on social media or keeping busy—it’s about opening yourself up, even just a little, to the possibility of connection. (Source: Almost a Quarter of the World Feels Lonely)

Here’s a truth many people hesitate to say out loud: it takes courage to take the initiative. It takes bravery to show up, to speak up, and to try again after an awkward coffee chat or a one-sided conversation. But those small, imperfect efforts are important, and they accumulate over time.

So, whether you’re signing up for a pottery class, downloading an app like BeFriend, or simply agreeing to have lunch with a neighbor you barely know, commit to trying one thing. Just one. And aim to do it this week.

Cities don’t become home just through time; they become home through the people we meet. And those people are closer than you might think.

Ready to connect?

A space for real friendships —no pressure, no pretending.